It’s June, the middle of the year and I’m at an alley with a dead end. I feel like I don’t know what to do and I can’t think straight. I feel as if I’m trapped in a small room; I can hardly breathe; and I’m waiting…just waiting for something to happen. Every day drags and everything is a shade of gray. Days turn to weeks and weeks into months; and I slowly feel drained; like I don’t want to make another step. I just want to pause, breathe real deep and try to find some sense amidst the turmoil that is my life. I search for any means of comfort, instead, I am left with a cigarette in my hand and my own conflicting thoughts. My enemy is time; I can feel it working against me; my tormentor is uncertainty and it puts me in a difficult situation. I want to move forward but I feel limited. I want to stay put and deal but I feel unhappy. I’m a living, breathing work of ambiguity. I hope that this is just some phase like other normal people go through and I hope that in time everything will just…happen.



  1. Buffalo Bill (Reply) on Sunday 20, 2010

    “Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We’re just warming up.” – Chuck Pahlaniuk (says it better than i could.)

  2. Buffalo Bill (Reply) on Sunday 20, 2010

    its not simon…. oooohhhh a mystery. *gasp*

    ok it is me. but im bored. and replying to things that probably dont need to be replied to seems like a good way to kill some of that time thing you spoke about. im just waiting to die really, im hoping its something awesome, like being eaten alive by midget strippers.

    • maricarljanah (Reply) on Sunday 20, 2010

      Awww. You’ll be fine Simon. it’s all in your head! Think positive man! Watch American Beauty 😛